Have any of you ever been raped, abused, tortured, etc? Or have you witnessed death, torture, etc? I came close, I suppose. A boy in my kindergarten class used to take me into the bathroom and rub his dick in my ass crack. He also groped my penis in class sometimes. Not very extreme, I know, but that's the best I can do. Thanks in advance for any contributions. :D
Does psychological/emotional torture count? If so, yes. I was locked up for "emotional disturbance," i.e, I got in lots of fights, I hated my stepfather and refused to do what he said, and I was interested in things 13-year-old females aren't "supposed" to be into, apparently--and this after severe bullying and a few death threats in middle school. There was some physical/sexual abuse there too, in the form of getting restrained face-down on linoleum--and yeah, it qualifies when you're 5'1'' 100 lbs and several large men are yanking your arms behind your back while sitting on you, all for the reason that you talked back to them after they taunted you--this one bitch who pretty much coerced me into sexual acts, and frequent fistfights which seemed to amuse the staff. And I have physically abused an ex-boyfriend, though not intentionally. After he tried to tell me he wasn't into violent sex I was in la-dee-da land, it went in one ear and out the other. He has scars on his leg from my cutting him with a swiss army knife--the cuts got infected afterward. I'm lucky he and I are still friends, considering.
There was some physical/sexual abuse there too Please don't feel the need to hold back on the details, dear. (Not saying you have to write pages and pages, but I would like to hear more if you would...) Thanks.
one time we were out of mayonnaise so i had to use miracle whip
>>4 Damn, that's fucking tragic. My condolences man.
>>4 Oh you! XD
Um... hm. Well, I got molested when I was young. Mostly boys would play 'doctor' with me and stick things like plastic screwdrivers up my vag. I guess I did it because I have an extremely hard time telling anyone 'no' more than once. And a former 'friend' Josh decided it would be a good idea for 7 year olds to try to have sex, with a vague idea of how it went. I couldn't argue- I was just scared of being ignored again. Neglect doesn't really come under the things you're probably talking about, though it counts as abuse legally. Explains why I was so desperate to be noticed, and why I couldn't refuse anyone who showed me attention. My mom's ex-boyfriend held me down and put his mouth on my breast when I was like 14 or so. He could have done more, I know, but just the fact that he said it "wasn't so bad, was it?" probably did the trick just as well as actual hardcore molestation would have. Fuck I hate him. He would purposely scare the shit out of me by driving way too fast in his car and acting like he was going to hit something. Hm. Closest thing I ever got to witnessing death was in my favorite pet. I held him as he died. It was depressing. His poor little heart just beat weaker and weaker... I miss him. I got bullied at school, I suppose. Mostly female bullying in the guise of catty remarks and jokes and name calling. I had a vivid fantasy in math class about taking my bully and shoving her off the walkway ledge. [we were on the second floor, so no major damage, but I could dream dammit.] I know, all mine are pretty lame, but it's what I have.
I've never been raped, but I guess I've been molested once when I was 11 or 12. It was a much older adult man, I had a lot of respect of him. One day he asked me to come home with him, he made me drink wine and sit on his lap. He hugged and groped me and I felt like I wanted to die... At one point I forgot my politeness, told him to back off and made my getaway. Never told anyone, just refused to ever meet him again. I don't think anyone suspected anything.
My grandpa usually took me hunting in the forest, and took me with him to shoot pets or wring the necks of unwanted puppies, etc. And I once got the living shit beaten out of me as a kid, but thats about it. No real traumas worth mentioning.
You guys don't mind if I rub one out on this thread do you? I sympathise with all of you though.
Hmm. Actually I remember once in kindergarten, there was a presentation or something (show and tell maybe? I don't really remember) and there was a hole in the front of my pants, through which the kid I was sitting next to stuck his finger and started rubbing me. I didn't tell him to stop or anything because it felt good and I really didn't know what was happening at that age... Huh. I had actually forgotten about that until I came across this thread. Not a very exciting story, but there ya go.
I might have molested a girl in middle school. I was too young to even realize it, I just knew fingering felt good and I wanted her to feel it. Only today I realized she could've been unwilling - not that she's ever mentioned it to me or anything. I've been dry humped by a 13 or something years old guy when I was in kindergarten, he ran away when my mother arrived and yelled at him, but before then he went on for a good 20 minutes or something. I was very confused and scared. Witnessed the suicide of a man who set himself on fire. He didn't scream for long, he barely screamed at all. I've also seen a young couple die after a car accident. I've been psychologically abused by my father all life. He barely ever hit me, sometimes he threatens me with a knife. But once I've seen him raping my mother. Still haunts me, despite the fact that we have to pretend to be a normal family. I don't think I'll ever feel anything but disgust for him. I used to consider myself a pretty regular person, but putting this stuff here all at once... feels weird.
This thread amuses me, people telling tales that are normally reserved for support groups, so that other people can satisfy their lust.. Hey, I can't argue with that. Not much has happened to me really, I won't go into a lifetime of emotional abuse. (Boring, hurr.) When I was very young (4-5 I believe) I always used to play in my brother's bedroom (he would've been 13-14), me on top of him wrestling and whatnot. (Note: I am female.) Then one day he started undoing his trousers and kept asking, "Do you want to see it..?" and kept trying to make me look at his penis, until I ran out of the room. XD Then when I was about 14, a girl in my school had me pinned up against the wall during a class (I wasn't in the class, refused to participate), telling me how she wasn't attracted to women, whilst stroking her hand up and down the inside of my thigh, trapping me. Aaand then on bus rides home boys used to sit around me in groups, rubbing their crotches and asking me if I wanted to touch them whilst laughing, and unzippied their trousers and trying to make me look at their erections.
In kindergarden we had a seperate floor where none of the adults were watching us while we were playing. I was often up their with the boys. We played that I was the victim of an accident and need to got to the hospital where they looked at my body. Once I was there with the other girls too. Maybe because of that I'm bisexual. But who knows. When I was older around 8 years old I was riding my bike when an older boy came to me pushed me to the ground and then ran way. When I wanted to go home he suddenly was behind me and followed me. He asked me for a kiss and I was scared as hell. I just drove home as fast as I could. These are just some of the things that happend. But I'll never forget them. They are burned in my head.
Once I was there with the other girls too. Maybe because of that I'm bisexual. But who knows. Mh, I don't think so. I masturbated together with my best female childhood friend when we were 4 to 9, 10 years old. We also played "sex", dry humping each other and then one of us became "pregnant" - our parents thought it was really cute, when one of us had a pillow under her shirt. Little did they know... :) And I'm totally straight.
Just as a child, I was bullied to a pretty far extreme then. I won't go into details though. I got most of the psychological abuse from the other girls in my class and the more physical abuse from the guys. Ah, but, it was also then I found out I loved to fight. So looking back I guess that's what made me into a Sadomasochist. More a Masochist though. Then I was molested in middle school by both men and women. It was then I discovered more of a Sadistic side though. I would hunt down and make those horny arrogant bastards pay for thinking they had the right to touch me. Unless it was my best friend, I let her get away with it. I was also pushed down stairs and violently beaten a few times. I took it, kinda liked it too, and got up right after it without feeling much of anything (I don't know, people keep telling my I'm lucky I lived... I don't know what they're talking about) and then I went back and got each and every one of them later. My more Masochistic side came out in high school though. When I got into a bunch of fights I suddenly found myself begging for more. And I really did mean it, however I also didn't like to be hit in the face and as soon as someone would, well I'd just stab them with something... anything I could grab. But before all that I guess wrestling with my two boy cousins. Both, even as children were good looking, and sure one was kinda chubby but when they would both sit on me or dog pile me - oh I had such a hard time yelling "get off!" because I thought it felt so nice. I often looked forward to seeing them as I could be Masochistic without having to answer too many questions about it. I just wish they would do that to me now... but I guess since I grew up in that one way only a girl can (ie: my boobs got huge) ever since then any time we'd wrestle, one or both of them would rush off to the bathrooms. Come to think of it, this would explain my slight Incest Kink as well. Oh how little both of them really know. But now I can be slightly Sadistic to them about it as I will randomly molest the younger just to make him and his siblings and his parents really uncomfortable! Along with other things I won't mention. There's a variety of things that could explain the way I am. All I know is, as a child, I was often crushed under others because I was so tiny. It felt good.
Oh, you know I didn't even think of describing events where WE were the ones doing the abusing, etc. Jeez. I used to grope and sexually harass girls in middle school. I would grab their asses and breasts, and rub their genitals. When I was about 10 I used to grab the breasts of girls at my bus stop and then run away. I got caught once, and one of the girls' boyfriends beat me up. I was such a shit. I also tortured my dogs, and various cats. I'm not proud of that, and I don't do it anymore, but there it is. I also used to torture (physically- beatings, etc- and emotionally) my "friends" (i.e. weaklings that I manipulated into hanging out with me) and I would dry hump them sometimes and make them steal, and smoke cigarettes with me.
I don't know if that counts, but just a few hours ago I walked along a street and passed a car, which was standing half on the street, half on the pavement. The engine was running and while walking by I looked inside and I swear to you, this guy was jacking off. XD I bet he was a stalker. When I was 12 or 13 years old, I once sat in a train, alone with a man and he also started to masturbate in front of me. Unlike today, I did not find that hilarious, I was pretty scared. I can honestly say I never abused anyone, physically or mentally. I often feel the urge to do so, but I can't do it.
Ok i never told anyone this but my grandma and mom know. when i was 4-5 my cousin watch porn and wanted to try it on me, we was both girls. she dry hump, finger, and ate me out. i never really wanted to do this, i think it was more of rape for me. But She a little bitch cause she told me to go top of her, and my grandma walk in and she told me mom and my cousin made it like it was idea and she did nothing wrong. and when i was 12 a 18 year old guy touch my boobs
>>19 OP- she told my mom and my cousin made it like it was my idea- Sorry
I shot a bird in the chest with a bb gun when I was a kid. I remember it sat there on the ground chirping its last breaths helplessly. I was pretty upset I shot it, I don't know why I did it- I used to be pretty impulsive. I went back to go find him a little while after I shot him (I ran off after I saw him), to see if I could help him or something (I was a little kid) but he was gone. I felt so guilty.
I used to get bullied alot, pushed around and called names, never anything too extreme. But I would act out violently to the people around me for no reason. I regularly stabbed someone i considered a friend with a mechanical pencil, occasionally it would bleed. I would shove people aside in the halls and trip people as i went up stairs. I never watched what happened, I'd just keep walking. That didn't mean i always got away with it- but it's surprising how well just playing dumb works with school faculty. I think I may have molested a friend of mine at 9. Just groping over clothes and dry humping, making him pretend to be a girl. Neither of us brought it up ever. I wasn't thinking about how weird it was at the time, no. I also tried goading a cousin of mine into watching porn with me when i was 13 but she wouldn't take. It's kinda hard to remember this stuff, like I never thought of it after the fact. A friend of my mother's got me drunk with wine and had her way with me when I was 14 on vacation. I found $50 in my pants pocket the next morning. I never told anyone. My first girlfriend at 15 would ask me to cut her and cut myself. I heard she killed herself just last year from a friend. I broke up with my most recent girlfriend after hitting her. Just once. I was drunk and she came home to tell me she had slept with someone. And she was so...Unrepentant about it. I was humiliated. The next thing I knew I had swatted her in the face and she ran out the door. She asked me to talk about it the next day and I said I couldn't be with her. I don't want to think I'm a bad person, but I think I do alot of bad things.
>>22 to be fair your girlfriend deserved it
>>21 T_T
>>23 Indeed.
>>23 Agreed, though more like "deserved it"... I'd say she gave you a good reason to be angered. Don't feel guilty over that.
>>23 gb2yemen fukker
Well sure, she /deserved/ it. But I should be above striking a woman for any reason.
I hurt someone's feelings once.
>>29 You beast.
>>21 i actually did something very similar, there was a bird sitting on a wire over a tree it was far, and i guess i just wanted to see if i could hit it. i guess i did not really think i could, or that it would hurt the bird. but i hit it, and it fell. i ran to see if it was alive, i could not find it, because the base of the tree was behind a fence, but on one of the branches was a bright spot of red... i felt terrible. seeing that spot against the..familiar browns and grays and greens...i think thats when i really stopped the childish day dreams of violence, beating up bad guys, fighting in wars, killing people i did not like. it just stopped seeming cool. ...and yet here i am.
I love this thread. :3
once i made fun of someone over the internet
I've never witnessed a human death before, but I've seen numerous cats die, and I've killed my share of small animals. When I was younger I once found a baby vole in the middle of the road while I was riding my bike, so, naturally, being a curious little girl, I hopped off and took off my helmet. It was running away so I had to trap it under my helmet. I kept it there for a while, picking the helmet up every few seconds to get a look at it. I literally scared the thing to death. The odd part was, I didn't feel too terrible about it. Sure I felt bad for killing it, but I didn't cry or anything. Just left it there. Snake food, y'know.
haven't told anyone this anonymously over a site - should be an interesting experience for me. parents divorced when I was little and I stayed with my dad frequently - he had work, so I was dropped off at my cousin's house every morning or so. I don't remember the days with my mom, just these days. anyway, he was a teen and I was four. he had always been very odd and definitely acted strangely towards me but I was little and I didn't think much of it. boys are gross, etc. but the first time I really stayed with him that whole day was when I was molested for the very first time. started off with fingering, verbal abuse throughout, calling me a dirty whore and only really getting more aggressive if I told him "it hurts, stop." over the course of a few months it got more aggressive but never any genital-to-genital contact. that changed. he started to take me up to his room to do things to me, everyone was home, the music was just up loud. if my aunt came in and asked where I was, he'd really quickly push me under his bed (it was high off the floor, at least, I could easily fit under) and tell her I was getting something from downstairs. then he'd take me back out. eventually he started to have sex with me, strangling me, telling me he was going to kill me if I told anyone. so naturally I didn't. his older sister had a boyfriend at the time (they are now married, actually) and he walked in twice. not once, twice. saw everything. he walked out twice. he never told anyone either time. just kept quiet, like nothing ever happened. it could have stopped if he had said something, but he didn't. my cousin told me about all the animals he'd killed and what it was like to kill them. he said that he thought of me when he did so. when my cousin was doing things to me I'd try to escape into a sort of dream where I was getting married to a great guy, I had a great life and a great job, I would never divorce this guy and we would live in a fairytale. he made me call him "daddy" I guess because he got off on it. once my father asked me: "how was your day?" "oh, daddy and I played a lot." "daddy?" I didn't say much after that, and my dad brushed it off. probably playing house or something. this didn't happen only on normal weekdays, but it happened on holidays. it even happened on christmas, grandpa's birthday, easter, as many times as we could be alone it happened. he even got his friend involved for quite a while. fucking disgusting. I got my period when I was nine and this was after I had moved out of state, so he found out when I visited. once he knew he tried to get me pregnant as much as possible. I remember vividly having a pregnancy scare when I was eleven, digging through the medicine cabinet for a test, then finally finding a really old one. it was negative and I thank my lucky stars for that. ugh. this went on for like... nine years or so. luckily I've avoided him so it's stopped, but the fear hasn't. feels bad man. but as far as abusing somebody else, in middle school a girl accidentally kicked a soccer ball near me in gym and yelled "GIVE ME THE BALL BACK" and had this nasty-ass expression. so of course I lobbed it straight at her face and her nose started to bleed. also, I was awful at phys. ed, so when it came time to "run the mile" (total bullshit, does anyone remember that?) I'd just crank up the volume on my music player, run the first lap around the track, and then walk super slow the rest of the time. I'd always be the last one, everyone would finish before me. if the kids started to yell at me so they could go change out of their gym clothes, or that our teacher would make us stay until I was finished, I just walked slower. feels awesome and really vindictive man.
>>35 OP of that post here: wow, sorry, that's super tl;dr. I apologize for the wall, everyone.
>>36 I can't help but LOL at the short attention spans of some people. If that post is really tl;dr for anyone, they need to get off the net and turn off the tv for 2 seconds so their attention spans can regenerate.
>>37 I agree, that's true. annnnd knowing gurochan, they'd want to read it. I have no problem with this. :) I only have a short attention span when it's shark week. during that week I don't know what real life is - just grievous wounds and cartilaginous monstrosities.
>>35 Speaking as a psychology major... no, scratch that, speaking as a person with common sense, your cousin needs therapy. Badly. He's clearly dangerous. You should consider revealing those things to the authorities. Loved the "ball meet nose" accident - oh, I know I would've done it too.
>>39 You should consider revealing those things to the authorities. Have to agree with this, although I can totally understand if you don't want to. if the kids started to yell at me so they could go change out of their gym clothes, or that our teacher would make us stay until I was finished, I just walked slower. XD Funny!
I had two of my friends die as I held them; one of a motorcycle accident; he had a compound fracture in his arm and I was trying to keep him from banging it around and making it worse. The other was crushed while we were working at a seismic exploration job, I pulled him out from under his machine after i lifted it up off him.
>>39 >>40 oh yeah, believe me, I plan on telling the authorities. I've told three people in my family who I trust, and currently with our familial situation it wouldn't be tactful to say anything. my uncle has cancer and he has two children, and right now we are just making sure to keep them AWAY from him. which, we have been, and thanks to that the children are doing great. they're little but they've really taken things well. he's in a place where he can't and won't hurt anyone. he got a head injury that really damaged his prefrontal cortex, so basically my aunt makes him stay home all the time anyway :P it's convenient. I appreciate your guys' concern, thank you muchly. anon, thanks. :D it's always fabulous when dumbass teenage girls get their comeuppance. and I was seriously at the end of my rope. so I used a ball! feindflug, I trolled so hard. I think people still have grudges against me for that. they need to chill, seriously. that was years back, and it's a fucking phys. ed test that seems arbitrary as it is. :> >>41 D: I'm so sorry. that must have been awful. my condolences.
Just think: Someone is masturbating to this thread. Right now.
my mom was raped, that's were i came from. I was abused by both mom and "dad", and i had some friends of mine torture eachother via waterboarding, electrocution, sleep deprevation and isolation just for the hell of it, not holding back either I first witnessed death when i was 5, there was a driveby and 8 people were killed. The latest time i've seen someone die was in Iraq about 2 months ago when an IED killed several Iraqi security forces.I've seen torture (see above).
>>35 *fapfapfap*
>>45 poster of 35 here, namefagging because it's easier. you know, any other place I'd be upset if someone said that. but not here. :) hmmm, interesting.
I watched my mom die of liver cancer, in our home. We had been taking care of her in her last few days. I practically stayed in her room everyday for her last two weeks..the night she died, I knew it would happen. The death rattle in her voice (you'll never understand unless you hear it), but I just talked to her the entire time. I said 'it's ok, don't worry mom, everything will be alright'. I can't forgive myself for lying about it either. She moaned a lot, she was in a lot of pain. My brother was there with me, and my half-sister...neither could talk. About an hour before she died in her sleep, we all sat on the bed and just kind of cried. When we couldn't hear her breath, everything got quiet. The second person that died was literally in my arms. He was a good friend of mine, stabbed by some asshole thugs... I held him til he died. I still cry when I think about it.
>>46 Hey don't get me wrong, I would feel kinda bad if I knew you, and if I were in a position to be able to help you, I sure as hell would. I mean if I walked in on the two of you, I doubt I'd just be like "Oh well that kid's abusing the smaller kid, off to watch tv". I'd do something about it to help you even if I never met you before in my life. I'd fap to the thought of it later yes, but I would still do the right thing regardless. It's weird now that I think about it.
>>48 no worries I wasn't upset by what you said, quite the opposite, I took no offense :D I was just saying that on any other site, that comment would have felt odd, lol, but not here. actually that's kind of a good part to it. sometimes I have fantasies concerning other people despite what happened, so... it's validating, I guess you could say, that others feel the same. and I appreciate that. that's really great of you and it's nice that there are people like you out there. masturbation does wonders for your nerves, so... it's not making the situation worse! :)
bumping...
I personally was never raped. However, I did...um... get a birthday present from my Sister when I was 7 and she was 3.
I got nothing really, besides being forced to study really hard as a child.
>>52 what kind of monster did this to you?
Nothing's ever happened to me, thankfully, though I suppose if I'd been a bit more careless as a kid something could have. When I was about 7 or 8 I was walking back to my home after swimming at a friend's house. I was in a wet swimsuit as I headed up the driveway and creepy old man A from next door and his equally creepy friend B from down the block called me over. B said, "I can see through you." What the fuck? I just ran. I also recall him asking my friend, my sister and I to enter his home during those stupid few times we thought it was a good idea to sell our crafts door-to-door... His house was like a dungeon! You could see how dark and dank it was from the front step, and the crying birds and trash-strewn lawn didn't help. Creepy old man A's wife eventually kicked him out. My sister reports it was because he molested one of his grandkids. I'm really glad nothing happened to me, but my condolences go out to those of you in this thread who suffered.
Bah, mild abuse, some old fart on public transport tried to get hold of my willy. And I was regularly beat in class breaks during elementary.
I once choked a kid in the school bathroom. He walked in after I finished peeing and he said "you were at that party, weren't you? You stole my shoes!", and I liked the attention I got from him. I pretended that I was the one that stole his shoes, because I thought it was cool (I was like 6). We got into a fight and I slammed him into the floor and mounted him, and grasped his neck in rage. I remember the gargling sound and the "gra... gra" croaking/sputtering very clearly. There was anger in his eyes- childish anger, the kind you see in childrens' fights- that brought him to mild tears. He was slender, so the skin on his neck creased as he clenched him jaw and tensed his neck muscles, and the muscles were firm in my grasp. His throat was like an aluminum can. I knew if I just put a little more force into it... I'd crush it. I knew that if I kept choking him I would kill him, so I let go. I think he then went and told the principle or something, I can't really remember that part. Also... some of you guys are really pathetic... just sayin'...
>>56 Wow, you once choked someone as a child. I choke people on a daily basis as an adult.
>>56 watch the person you choked be a gurochanner.
I used to swing my puppy around the room by his front paws, hit him with a thin wooden pole, choke him, and fuck him (as a kid, around 9 or 10). I used to choke my cat, and I have a history of abusing various other cats, although this was all when I was very young. I'm not sure why I did these things. I used to "torture" my bugs bunny doll (age 5-7) for some reason, too. It really got me off. I also used to fantasize about knocking out my fellow female classmates and raping them (same age as above).
bump
my father used to beat me horribly, i grew up watching him physically and emotionally abuse my mother until she finally left him (i convinced her to, actually) when i was about 10-11. then he would stalk and harass us both incessantly for... well, he's still doing it. i hate him more than anything.
>>56 Gurochan is probably one of the worst places on the internet to judge others. Just saying.
>>63 Amen to that. Everyone on Guro has problems...
When I was 7-9 years old, I went to a public swimming pool with my older brother. I was playing with some random kids from school when, an older guy came up to us. He started playing with us, wrestling with us in the water. Suddenly, he grabbed me and started to force me beneath the water making me unable to breathe. He then tried to pull of my bathing suit, and I remember hearing the other kids laughing around me, humiliating me. When he was done "playing" I ran home as fast as I could. I still can't believe that the pool guards or my brother didn't notice any of it happening. When I got a little older, I was bullied often because I look different (I'm really tall and skinny). Sometimes the kids would punch me or hit me with sticks. They always made sure not to hit me a visible place. But the psychological torture was far worse... gave me paranoia, phobia and a depression. The 12 September 2006 (when I was 15) I got raped by a boy from my school. It was my first time so it hurt quite a bit, but he finished up quickly so it wasn't that bad. He raped me a second time (can't remember the exact date) and that was far worse. He shoved his dick up my ass without any kind of lube until it started bleeding. Every time he walked past me I was close to tears, but I also enjoyed the thought of killing him in various painful ways. I mostly dreamed of cutting his dick off, feeding it to him, then carve his eyes out with a spoon like a jack-o-lantern. A year ago I was in Turkey on vacation. I walked in a bazaar with my mother, then got lost. A Turkish guy (20-something years old) came up to me and asked if I was lost. I nodded, then he grabbed my arm and dragged me down to some stairs. I got confused and scared so I didn't scream or struggle. Then he walked into a room, pushed me up against a wall and whispered "do you want me?" I started shaking, being unable to move. Then he started to grope me on my ass and tits. After some time I came to my senses and begged him to let me leave. He let go of his grasp and I ran upstairs again and found my mother. I told her but she didn't want to report him to the police. I've been harrased and groped by other people as well but I cant really remember the details too well... I don't get why sexual harrasment have happened to me by more than once since i'm not really good looking. My English isn't so good but I hope y'all understand my post :P
Cool thread. Moar please.
I don't get why sexual harrasment have happened to me by more than once since i'm not really good looking. Don't get me wrong, but maybe you developed a sort of a victim attitude. Maybe you early experiences influenced you in a way so you react passive and vulnerable, instead of standing up for yourself, which makes you an easy target. Humans are predators, they smell fear and weakness.. I wish you the best, really. Let's hope nobody will ever hurt you again.
Backyard bullies, elementary school, beat me up, called me a girl, made general fun of me, got me mad. Not fun.
Oh yeah, and there was that time i was prepubescent and some guy my age (who was a bit more mature, apparently) put his erect dick on my back and we were naked. I didn't think much of it at the time because I wasn't embarrassed to be naked in the bedroom at night. No sex was involved, but I didn't know at the time about gay people or anything similar - so I suppose my roommate was gay and I was ignorant.
>>2 you're also lucky that the cops never got called on you. Violence begets violence. It's a rule of karma and I suppose that's why we have jails.
>>49 yeah.... no wonder I namefagged as Wanker Jerkoff....
What makes me cum is to imagine my boyfriend and I are walking in the woods and we come across a gypsy encampment. Unlikely as it seems he is wearing only lederhosen and I am wearing only a short denim skirt with no panties and a red bra. They tie us together spreadeagled and hang us by the arms from a tree with our ankles staked to the ground while they dance around their campfire all night, occasionally running their hands all over our bodies as we helplessly endure our torture in the moonlight.
Compared to these I have no story to tell. Back when I was like 11 guys would dry-rape me at school. I went to not-quite-juvie for six months in the sixth grade. I was quite the pussy back then. Uhhhmmm, I also showed my ass to another girl when I was 6. Oh, and sometimes I like to mutilate insects, especially the really fat moths whose insides come out in one piece. I've had a compulsive habit of doing this since I was a kid. Probably the reason why I'm into guro. I like to cut things up and see the inside of them. That's about it. I suck.
>>74 I used to live in a house with two big oak trees out front, and every year we'd get these huge swarming infestations of oakworms and then oakmoths. I remember coming up with so many ways of torturing the poor buggers to death. Pouring boiling water onto them a drop at a time, using a thorn off a rose bush to pierce the skin just behind a worm's head, then rolling a twig up its back to push its innards out through its neck - I remember the empty skins were really soft and velvety. Just flat-out crushing their heads, but that was boring... finding pairs of oakmoths mating and pulling them apart to see which would pull the organs out the orifice of the other, like freaky guro wishbones, rubbing all the powder off their wings and leaving them for the birds... And I really enjoyed it, too. It was the most wonderful game. But at the same time, I wouldn't salt a slug, and I'd be hesitant to swat a bee. But because the oakmoths were 'bad' bugs, it was okay to kill them, and because it was okay to kill them (and they didn't scream, that's probably a part of it as well) it was okay to slowly torture them to death. But just to ruin it for you all I turned out to be a pacifist friend-to-all creatures.
I remember in highschool a girl in my class got completely drunk off her face at a party, and the boys pinned her down and shoved an eggplant half-way up her genital. It was funny at the time, we only found out that she had her vaginal tissues torn a few weeks later and suffered from depression ever since. Feels bad man.
Well, with an eggplant... I would think that there was some tearing there, yeah.
Oh god, where to start... Grew up with a horribly controlling and "overly loving" mother, who used to sleep in my bed til I was about 9 or 10. It caused a great deal of insecurity throughout my teenage years and has caused me to revile my family. I don't really know what all happened as most of my memories from the time have been forcefully erased. It's weird for me that people can remember a lot of their childhoods, I can't remember except a few isolated incidents. No happy memories, nothing remotely good. In 4th grade I was transferred to a catholic school and suddenly found myself being singled out for everything. I was routinely beaten everyday during our recess/lunch time, in full view of the sisters watching over us. None of them ever lifted a finger to stop it. It was around here that I stopped caring about my life in general, and it's probably the start of my strong sadistic side. When I was around 7 or 8 my cousin would routinely molest me, making me think that it was normal. Because it felt good when he jerked me off, I never really said anything, and because it was so different from the abuse I received at school I never used to associate anything really bad with it. A few months after he started molesting me he got me to help him regularly molest his half sister. We would barricade ourselves behind his bed, which had a neat hiding area, specially designed like a kind of bedroom fort, and strip her and force her to jerk us off. All the while we would pretty much do whatever we wanted to her, including slapping and fingering her. I don't remember if she ever found this enjoyable. Later on, after he got tired of her we started to molest one of the boys in his neighborhood who was a few years younger than us. It only happened a couple of times, always ending with him in tears and we were finally ratted out. being the brave soul I am I quickly shifted all the blame to my cousin and ran the hell home. I avoided him until about 7 or 8 years later when he moved in with us. Out of all my family I think I have the closest relation with him, no more molestation or sex going on, but I'm just really comfortable with him, and he's always seemed more comfortable around me than anyone else. Not much happened since then. I ended up being a sadistic, pansexual atheist who is quite happily married. I beat my wife regularly, and lucky for me she has quite the fucked up history as well and loves it. We're still pushing our limits on what she finds enjoyable, and I make very certain not to abuse the trust she gives me. I also turned into a very adept manipulator, and frequently will make my "friends" end up in situations that only benefit me. Using people gives me a thrill like nothing else. It's not a good thing, I know, but watching someone fail, or reluctantly do something they normally wouldn't triggers something inside of me that satisfies a deep craving. It's kind of like the way that Sade describes crime in his books, specifically The 120 Days of Sodom.
I'm pretty lucky. The worst I had to deal with is mental abuse and watching my mother's physical abuse. That... still screwed me up a bit. Thanks to what I have seen my dad do I have small panic attacks when I man comes near me. And I still can't get some of the images out of my head, of my mother with blood on her teeth, lips and down her neck, my dad climbing off of her his eyes crazy and empty. I still hate that drunkard asshole. He was the one who mentally abused me, obviously. But I won't go into that one; its a long and boring story. I never had any sexual traumas, other than a doctor touching my pubic/vaginal area for no earthly reason, and that touch lingering for so long I began to tremble.(I was about 12, I think) Some sexual harassment in high school, and being hit on by my drunken uncle.... I think that is it. So, other than a drunken asshole dad, a creepy doctor and a lot of bullying in school, I'm alright. I'm glad for it too; and glad that there are at least a few people who haven't suffered. It makes me happy to know there are some people out there who don't have to suffer through any type of abuse. ..and then I wonder how the hell I got into guro, because I am way too soft hearted for my own good.
>>79 You can share your mental abuse; I promise I won't find it boring :D
Bump
Well...anonymity is beautiful, so here I go: All through the 3rd to the 8th grade, there was this boy. He was a year above me, and he was one of those quiet kids who could be popular if they actually talked to people. He was insanely smart, too, almost to a creepy degree. I think he may have had some disorder, because while he was smart, he was kind of socially awkward and couldn't empathize with anyone and didn't understand a lot of social interactions. Anyway, when I was in the 3rd grade and he was in the 4th, he dropped all his stuff in the playground. While he was picking it up, all the other kids would just walk over it or kick it away, but I went up and helped him, and after that he stuck to me like glue. I thought it was okay at first, I was a lonely kid so it was nice having a friend, but he got pretty obsessive. He would do my work for me without asking and give me his food and stuff, and I liked it until he started talking about me owing him. Towards the end of my 4th grade year, he kept telling me I was his, and we were going to get married and I needed to act more like a wife. In the 5th grade, he started to grope me in the bathroom and stick things up my vag and ass. I remember we skipped class once because I started to cry and bleed, so we hid in the slide on the playground. I avoided him after that, I was too scared to tell anyone. It got worse around the 6th and 7th grade. He would scare away anyone I got close with. He would like to play games that included cutting my legs or hands. One time he slit my palms open wide enough I had to get stitches, I lied to my parents and told them I was playing with my dad's pocket knife. I don't know why I was so scared to tell the truth, but there was something about the kid that seemed really threatening. After awhile he started forcing me to give/receive oral sex. He purposely failed the 8th grade so he would stay back with me and not have to go off to high school without me. I eventually begged my mom to let me go to a different high school. We moved away shortly after my 9th grade year, and I haven't heard from him since.
>>82 LISA??
This post has been deleted.
>>83 More appropriate response, who the hell is this and how do you know my name?
...bump
>>82 >>83 >>84 >>85 Oh, come on!!! Don't stop there! You can't dangle this in front of us and just leave it hanging.
>>85 It's me, David. So. Where do you live now? >>87 Shut up boi. You wanna get abused as well?
>>88 Nice different ID there, buddy.
>>89 I like to call that one, Dynamic Eye Pee.
Nothing to contribute, but I can't let this thread die dammit.
>>90 Look, I don't care who does it, SOMEBODY continue this story arc.
>>83 you there! post again!
It's weird what this thread makes one remember... When I was way little (Like 5-ish) we got our first pet cat (my first pet) and I tried to take Sneakys head off. Just like a barbie, right? That's what I thought at the time anyway. I got scratched up pretty bad and it was later explained to me that, no, living things can't have their heads taken off. I never did that or anything else cruel-ish to an animal again. I like animals better than people, in fact. As to being abused myself, it wasn't so much abuse as being taken advantage of I guess. My friend Sarah and I slept over at eachothers houses alot. Her parents worked the graveyard shift so we had the house to ourselves. Often times, she would get the idea "Lets go take a bath and play with our barbies there." Now, Sarah was about 5 years older then me (I was ten) She fingered me. As I grew into my sexuality, I discovered I was bi so I don't really know to be offended or not... Lol.
my first girlfriend, when i was 14. i wasnt exactly popular or a good student, and she was very attractive, got good grades, and was popular. mey being seen with her all the time definitely upped my social status in high school. basically, i let her do things to me that she wanted so that she wouldnt break up with me. i cant tell you how many times wed go into the girls bathroom when class was in session, and shed make me drink her piss. or force me to jack off while she smacked my balls around. id let her beat me up on many occasions just so she would have her undivided attention focused on me. and she was really mean while doing it too, always putting me down and calling me names. nowadays, that shit would turn me on, but back then it just made me hurt and feel like a piece of shit
This thread is fucking awesome. Bump for good content.
When I was about 4-5 years old, I was alone in my room with a neighbor girl whom I often played with; I don't really remember what happened except we were apparently "playing doctor" and she was doing weird shit with my cock, when my mom walked in. She also liked to grope me and sometimes bite me, and she drew cocks all the time. Her mom was always asking if I wanted to go over without my mom, but my mom was really protective. If she hadn't been I'd probably have a much more elaborate story to tell. Turns out, about 10 years later when we had moved, her older brother was in the paper, busted for child pornography. I remember him taking a shit on our lawn once, and he always had a creepy demeanor about him. Weird ass family.
I was a "difficult" child, and had parents who were firm believers in the efficacy of beating the shit out of kids who misbehave, so I was getting knocked around quite a lot when I was little. Mother whacked my ass with a wooden spoon so hard once that the spoon broke, and my dad once threw me across the living room, resulting in my nose skidding over the carpet and getting a rug burn on it. I learned to run fast and cram myself under the furniture quickly too when I was still small enough to, growing up in that household. Most of the other times were uninteresting (to you) spanking, but a few times they did do some pretty fucked up things. Most vividly I recall that one time I was in the car with my mother, and she got pissed off at me for one reason or another and pulled over and made me get out of the car, she told me anyone who picked me up could keep me, and then drove off and left me on the side of the road. She only drove around the block and came right back for me, but it wasn't a neighborhood I knew, and I was totally freaked out at the time. Also, one time I was swimming at this place where a little river connected with the ocean, so it was laid out with all these miniature islands covered with grass, and brackish water running between them with little streams and pools and stuff. Well being an adventurous kid, I just swam off doing my own thing, and came to this one secluded pool where these three teenage girls were hanging out in their swimsuits. For whatever reason I went closer to them to investigate what they were doing (I probably thought they were hot, being kind of precocious that way--I didn't really know anything about sex, but from a young age I had urges to "kiss the pretty girls", see also the next story). Anyways, they ended up "playing" with me, by which I mean they made fun of me, splashed me, shook me around and even held my head underwater by force, laughing the whole time. I don't recall that they did anything actually sexual, but they were enjoying themselves a bit much and it was a rather weird experience overall. On the giving end, when I was in kindergarten I knew this girl that I was friends with (we both liked dinosaurs as I recall, and she was like the only girl who did, so she was "cool" in my book.) Anyways, I got to visit her house once and we were playing with these dinosaur rider toys (based on some cartoon... there were like these bad guys who had mind control boxes on the dinosaurs heads? Anyone remember this shit? She had the tyrannosaurus which I thought was awesome because that one was my favorite, and I only had some other lame one) Anyways, in the middle of this, I was seized by this urge and so I grabbed hold of the girl and kissed her right on the lips. Things got really awkward after that, she was like "Did you kiss me because you want to marry me?" and I was like "NO!" and she was like "Well, did you kiss me because you love me?" and I was like, "Uh, no..." and she was like "Well, why then?" and I was like "I don't know... I just wanted to." I was just a naive little kid, so I didn't really understand what that sort of urge was all about (although I did have an instinctive inkling from a young age that when I got erect that I wanted to "love" the girl I was looking at in a "special" way). Anyway, after that, she told our mothers about the incident, and I never got to play with her again. I was never outright told that the particular incident was why (my mother had some other excuse like that the girl was a "bad influence" on me or something), but I've always suspected that it was really because of that incident.
Never thought I'd be posting here but here goes; As a little girl I was teased and harassed for about 10 years before I entered college. It wasn't that severe; mostly kid stuff though a few times it got fairly violent, but the one thing that never changed was no one ever wanted me around. After years of dealing with this, self seclusion became normality and being around others become abnormal to me to the point where I can't stand it. Still can't. Depression started around the age of 12. Became somewhat of a misanthropic nihilist. When I was 15 I watched my mom die. When I was 17 I witnessed an accident where a man on a bike was hit by a car at a T intersection and he crashed head first into the curb. He wasn't wearing a helmet so things broke (obviously not the pavement), oddly enough there wasn't much blood. I just continued on with a vague sense of detachment for people die every day, doesn't make it any more real if I personally witness or not. Being a nihilist, and a very introspective person, I am very good at emotionally manipulating people. While I detest violence, I do very much enjoy emotionally damaging people who antagonize me; on many times I've reduced them to tears, publicly or privately. I can be verbally vicious when provoked. Self mutilation became common for me when I was a teenager, I love the site of my own blood (oddly enough other people's blood kinda grosses me out). It kind gives me a sense of control over my life (for I could choose to end it) I never felt before.
When I was 7-8 I was friends with this 11-12 year old guy, classic rebel lout who would never finish highschool. Anyway I sometimes slept in his house; he showed me his dick and told me to suck it. He insisted but never really forced me to, and I always refused (not that I dislike dicks that much; he just smelled like a dog bathed in urine). Instead, when he wasn't around, I would take the panties off his 2-3 year old sister and kiss her pussy and legs. I think back then I was into femdom already; a female bully usually sat on me and forced me to lick her shoes and I grew fond of it. >>95 fapfapfapfapfafpfafop
>>101 Forgot: I think that sister of his turned out to be slightly mentally retarded, so I doubt she'll be remembering anything lol
>>99 You sound so beautiful...
Noting really too brutal, but when I was younger my cousin pulled a gag knife on me and stabbed. I thought it was real at first and scared the shit out of me. I was more shocked than pissed at him. Then at my best friend's birthday party, one of his cousins pulled a real knife on my neck. Not fun, but yet I enjoyed submitting to him for whatever reason. Hard feeling to explain, really. Let's see, in high school, there was this girl who would do some funny things to me....
She would mess with me emotionally. Like she'd have the sweetest tone asking me how my day was and stuff, then I'd reply only to have her to punch me in the stomach with a demanding voice saying that's too bad. Get over it bitch! Or something like that. She also would knock on my desk real loud if I was dozing off. She's the reason I have a femdom fetish and submissive side. I just regret not getting to know her.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
What's up Rorchach?
When i was 14 i used to choke my girlfriend. i don't know why. one day we were cuddling on the couch at my grandparents' house and i just got the urge to strangle her, so i did until she started gagging and i got worried someone would walk in and catch me. i did it several times after that until i broke up with her. when i was with her i had fantasies about choking her to death and burning her body. i've had similar fantasies about a few other girls i knew, but now i avoid dating altogether. i've never been interested in sex. the only thing that turns me on is punishment and humiliation. i love the thought of watching someone i love burn... fire, walk with me. heh.
I feel like sick shit for being so interested in stories about sexual abuse -.- But I feel sorry for everyone that had to endure it !
I was date raped by an ex in 2005. It was my first time and we had both planned on doing it, but it immediately hurt like hell (due to vaginismus, I found out later), so I asked him to stop. He didn't. And then he did it again while I was still in shock. I'm still aroused by the idea of rape, but the event itself and my rapist make me both angry and sickened rather than aroused. I am, however, very aroused by the idea of torturing him to death and raping him.
I've done borderline rape on three kids in my life and diddled several others when I was a teen long long ago. Details are as follow: I've always been very sensual/sexual, even as a wee little tyke as early as 3, I played a whole lot of doctor with other boys...I don't remember when exactly it started but at some point I just started sucking their dicks, it felt good, this continued for several years up until I grew into a teenager, at that point I went from playing doctor with other boys because it was fun to being crazed and targetting younger ones for de facto sexual pleasure. 1st came in the form of a brain damaged first degree cousin, poor kid, he took the brunt of my desires though I never did penetrate him as I was too scared of leaving obvious clues as to what was going on, eventually his mother and step-dad figured it out and they still hate me to this day, though that last fact is actually quite pleasing as they're both shit-bags that screw over everyone else as well as being pathological liars. 2nd came in the form of the son of one of my mother's closest female friends (of whom I was also quite fond of thinking about in closed doors haha), that one went even farther than my cousin, he watched me masturbate several times and he was very interested in it, groomed him for a few years always under the guise of "hey it's just play" and "I'm teaching you important stuff", we even went as far as side blowjobs for me once or twice and I could feel his kiddy boners at those times...even my brain damaged cousin knew it was wrong to stick my dick in his mouth, I came pretty close to penetrating that one. 3rd was around in my equivalent of high school where I tried grooming an even more brain damaged kid, though he was older than me by about 2 years he behaved like a little kid, that one didn't go far but it wasn't for my lack of trying. My story is much more detailed naturally as there have been several dozen individuals that I've "played" with over the years until I reached around 16. Why only until 16? Because it was at that point that I realized what horrible things I was truly doing, to this day I feel crushing guilt over what I did to those kids, the possibility that I made them more conflicted than they were already is almost too much to bear for me these days...though slowly I can pardon my younger self for his failings as the particulars of my own troubled mind have only recently surfaced through group therapy (I won't get into that, it's even more boring than this last section). Still, I have to admit I still use the recollections of my cousin and the friend's kid to masturbate every once in awhile though I no longer have any real desire to ever harm a child outside of my fantasies.
Also yikes, sorry about the lack of formatting, despite my deep well of vocabulary I'm still quite atrocious at punctuation in any of the languages I currently speak. :C
I grew up on a normal family,with the exception of a guro comic i found under some furniture when i was 6 or 7...i was never abused physically,not really mentally either...Is something wrong with me Gurochan?O_O... anyway One summer i was with my cousin who was around 6 at the time(i was 13)and i held her on my lap and suddenly i got a boner and she made a comment about my penis...most akward moment in my life,i hope i didn't mess her up or anything... Also,as a kid i used to play a very DID type of game with my brother...totally straight now though.
>>113 It's a bit weird that people think that coming in awkward contact with a penis, through clothes, would permanently scar a child. While child abuse can certainly have a big impact on a developing kid, there's nothing to suggest that if a kid sees a pair of tits or brushes against someone's boner, will come out of it damaged in the future.
>>114 Unless said person is actively thinking about molesting the child whilst they come into that contact, kids are surprisingly absorbent in these matters.
>>115 Well I wouldn't say that what the molester/the adult/whatever is thinking at the moment is relevant. I mean the child certainly isn't affected by his thoughts. Of course, if his intention is to molest, his actions may show it and affect the kid in that way.
>>116 Actually, thoughts do matter, kids are incredibly perceptive on that level and they absorb pretty much everything from their environments.
>>117 Absorbant, yes - mind readers, no.
The body reacts involuntarily to all your thoughts, they're called micro expressions and everyone can read them to a certain extent, kids can read them better than adults due to a few factors we lose throughout our aging process.
>>119 oh shit you mean to say when I lie to my kid about eating too much chocolate before lunch, he knows???
haha, probably. you monster.
>>119 Uh, I wont be agreeing with you there. Even if there was some truth to that, you can go ahead and suppose our imaginary molester is a CIA agent working as a government spy and is trained to trick poligraphs.
great!i come back to this thread to find out i'm a child molester!:P
>>122 poligraphs don't read body gestures, they read pulse and electroconductivity of the skin (sweat), your point is moot.
>>119 Got any sources for this? Sounds like an interesting subject.
>>124 Oh of course, I completely forgot, when polygraphs fail, they usually bring in the children, psionics of today. If you think that intentions cannot be hidden from a child or lies successfully sold to them, you must be either very deceived or very detached from this world. Needless to say, there are no credible sources supporting this theory and God help me if I know why I decided to argue with you over this in the first place. It reminds me of the time when my ex's stupid older sister dragged me into an argument about tarot and astrology. You'd think I would have learned by now.
I didn't say children knew everything, just they have better "gut" feelings over what is going on through micro expressions, the only real knowledge they obtain from these is a feeling of good or bad. Don't have a cow, pedoking.
Actually let me make the point from another perspective, why do you think that any form of sexualized interaction between an adult and a child causes emotional trauma? If children are just idiots then when an adult with the intent to get an sexual gratification from tells them that this is a good thing they'd just believe them and live happy lives wherein these acts didn't have any weight...and it's not just for full on sex with them, emotional trauma of this kind can arise just from adults offering them drinks with the intent even if nothing actually happens beyond that point.
Heya Abhorrence, just wanted to toss my two cents down the well here. I think it sucks that stuff got weird for you so early on in life, good you're starting to forgive yourself for that stuff. Just a word of caution though, if you really want to be free of certain fetishes/desires what have you, you'll eventually have to wean yourself off of even fantasizing about them. As a kid I was tortured by my father from an early age, currently writing a book about it (going to have to publish it myself because nobody believes me lol) and such, but psychological addiction can make psychical addiction seem like a walk in the park. Keep on keeping on man.
>>128 Children are stupid. They do not get traumatised over a groin rub, no matter what the owner of the groin is thinking. They do not get traumatised over offered drinks, or someone undressing them in their head. Actions hurt children, not thoughts. Even these superpowered children from your head, the ones reading micromovements through which they interpret adult's true intentions or perverted thoughts, they do not have the mental capacity to process these actions as something traumatic. Jesus.
>>130 It is worth noting that what one person finds traumatic, another may not, and vice versa. It is also worth noting that children aren't emotionally developed, thus experience trauma easier than adults because they don't know how to otherwise deal with strong emotions. Children do process things very differently from adults. What an adult may see an accidental groin rub or tit grab while wrestling as completely harmless, a child may be scarred from it. This is not usually the case, usually it's mostly harmless, if a tad uncomfortable to the kid - then they go to bed and by morning have forgotten it. Lastly, your logic is flawed as both groin rubs and offered drinks are actions.
Back on topic. I have two sexual encounters as a child. One when I was 4-5 and I've blocked the bulk of the memory, I have vague feelings of it, but that's all. The other I was 12, my brother, 14, stripped in front of me, boner out, wanted me to play with it, wanted me to strip also. I refused. He proceeded to masturbate in front of me, cleaned up his semen, and put his clothes back on. While I do have rape fantasies, I am fully aware that it would destroy me if I fulfilled them. Back in 2000, I got in a car accident. Other driver (very drunk) made a left turn right in front of me, I had enough time to shy, "oh shit!" before squarely t-boning his vehicle. His passenger was pronounced dead 20 minutes later, though from what I got from the officers, she was basically dead on arrival.
>>119 Got any sources for this, especially in regards to kids? I read the wiki, but not too informational there. Won't have time for about a week to do some digging myself. Sounds like a fascinating subject to read into.
>>131 Yes if something were to traumatise them, it would be the groin rub or offered drink rather than the thoughts inside the person's head. That's all I'm saying. However I don't think children are as easily traumatised and frail as the guy above seems to imply. Accidental brushes are definitely an uncommon factor in childhood trauma and the idea that the child could "sense" if something nawty is going on in the person's head at the time, getting traumatised if it does... Well lets just say I'll wait for some reliable citations and sources.
>>133 I've been trying to find resources online for ya but haven't been having much luck...which is odd because this IS a fascinating topic, I'll try to contact the therapist that was in charge of the group therapy I went to recently, maybe she'll be able to send some titles of books my way.
>>129 Man, that's rough, best of luck with your book. And you're right, I do need to stop the fantasies...it's never an easy process and you're always trying to kid yourself about the severity and even misleading yourself about its effects but psychological addiction is nasty stuff.
>>135 Nod. Thanks...
you know, I just realized that on most discussions I have an appaling lack of actual...uh PROOF to what I'm saying, which is certainly annoying for others as well as myself. I'll try to keep my peace on the subjects I can't (easily) offer discernable evidence to support my opinions. D: Back on topic: As I didn't go into my recently discovered ailment back in >>111 I neglected to mention that I have a constant feeling of being emotionally raped whilst out and about, it's no one's fault really but I have a "process" running in my noggin that tries to "absorb" the negative emotions of others and so it can purge them, naturally I'm not saying I'm a telepath in any capacity but I do seem to have an unnaturally high amount of empathy and perception whether that's something I've always had or an adquired "talent" due to my ailment I can't say. I have all the trauma of rape without any of the sex, joy. heh, it also explains my zealotry over that argument back there.
ever heard of Jennifer Daugherty? She was, like Junko Furuta (spelling?), tortured and then murdered (although Junko took several WEEKS to perish, whereas with Jen Daugherty it took one and a half days). Those cases get into the news because the tabloids seem to be fond of them, and they're fond of them because it's the same sort of scandalous, disturbing gossip that gets people's attention and get them to look, shake their heads, gasp, go "Eeeew!".
in the same guise, look up the lurid tales of Elizabeth Bathory or any sort of "true crime" murder stories, especially the more grotesque.
bump This thread is too good to be lost
I was never really physically abused, but emotional abuse has been part of my life. When I was 10 my dad and I moved in with his girlfriend. She was very controlling, and even tried to make me call her mom. My body developed way faster than most girls, and I got bras when I was in grade 5. She'd steal them from me, and get mad at family members for giving them to me. I tried telling my dad about my depression and constant loneliness but he just brushed it off. My step mom also implied that that I was a slut or whore for about 3 years before actually saying it. She'd ask me if I was pregnant, and not let me wear certain clothes because they were "asking for attention". She made me feel like I was disgusting for wanting to wear cute clothes. As well as saying that the only reason I would want to wear nice underwear is for other people. Most everyone in my family knew about all of this, but I don't think any of them knew how bad it really was. The people that did, and tried to stop it, were shut out of my life.That's the thing about emotional abuse, it's so much harder to stop. I eventually got put in to counselling when I was 13 because of self harm, which I thought was pretty stupid because I practically begged for help when I was 10. While I was never physically abused, I have had MUCH older men (mainly family friends, though also my uncle at one point) flirt with me, and talk to me about sex. Some hinting at actually doing sexual things with me. I have a huge problem telling people no, so I'm really glad that they never happened. I started masturbating really young, I guess around 5 or 6. My cousin (who's male) and I used to touch each other sometimes, though as far as I know it was all consensual. I've also "played" with some female friends.
When I was between 7 and 10 years old, I was molested by other guys. Also during this time period, I manipulated two girls into letting me finger them. This was during the grade 1-6 period, where I was suspended from school many times for giving out death threats and for inflicting serious injury on classmates and teachers. I was also ridiculed and avoided for being different. I killed small animals and still feel no remorse, even though that stopped long ago. In fact, now I think that it is funny. I was sent to a psychologist several times and nothing came of it. As I moved into grades 7-12, I became very emotionless and detached, and no longer hurt or threatened others. This is mostly because my parents were control freaks that were OCD about my behavior. I was also not molested during this time. People were a lot more difficult to manipulate, because of the greater maturity. Around grade 11, I became interested in Guro. While I am usually polite and shy, I have sadistic and manipulative tenancies. I manipulate people almost daily. I am also a pathological liar, as in grade 12 I managed to escape the blame for the school wide hacking incident I started for several months, even with overwhelming evidence against me. Smooth talking, manipulation, backwards logic and good acting are good for that. I have a girlfriend now who accepts who I am, but denies me any sexual advances since she is asexual. I still love her anyway. She convinced me that I was not fucked up, that there were plenty of people like me and that I just see the world in a different way than other people. After that, instead of hating myself and falling into more depressive streaks, I accepted who I am and now get off on disturbing my friends and corrupting them as well. I also now collect Guro and masturbate to it frequently. I see myself as evil, and I also try my best to become even more corrupt myself. However accepting of myself I am, I still separate fantasy and reality. I am too nice of a person to actually physically harm others, and I know that collecting images of Guro and real dead bodies is very different than going out and doing it myself. I am to moral of a person to kill or torture other humans. I am currently in university, and I can't wait to see what the future holds.
I was in a very hard car accident several years ago. I saw 3 dead people then, one of which was the person I knew (he and his girlfriend were giving me a ride). The other two died in the other car and I could see the gu ver clearly as he dropped out of the car to the side. And some middle aged woman was at the passanger seat. The whole thing wasn't sexual at all for me (I'm an /s/ guy) and was pretty traumatic to be honest. The only sexual thing that I can think of was the girl in the car with me. Her shirt was torn and her jeans were ripped. I saw one bruised boob and nipple. She got out of the car and came to me in the back since I was stuck. She was crying (so was I) and we just held each other until the ambulance arrived. It was pretty much the mist horrifying event in my life, and I really didn't think about any of it sexually (except for the girl's boobs, which were nice though bruised, and even that only years later).
I was abused physically, and mentally I suppose, but I doubt it's worth telling. I guess the most fucked up thing I had to do was have my sister come downstairs and tell me our mother was about to jump out of the window, with both her and I having to go upstairs and talk her out of it. I also remember coming downstairs some time around Christmas when I was much younger and seeing my mother laying on the ground foaming at the mouth with her eyes rolled up in her head. I don't remember what happened after though. I must have been like 3-5 at the time. There were other times where she'd get angry at my sister or I for no reason and start hitting us, throwing stuff at us, blaming us for all her problems, etc. I remember once she threw a large concrete piggy bank at me, just barley missing thankfully. She also got angry at me and threw me down a flight of stairs into the basement. I also had to deal a lot with her and her numerous boyfriends being alcoholics. Many times I'd have to stay up at night with a phone in my hand because my mother said I needed to call the cops if I heard her scream. It didn't help that she'd never come home half the time either since she'd stay out drinking. When she did it was always hell to pay. Meh, I could go on but compared to a lot of the stuff in this thread it's fairly light, I feel like I'm just whining.
>>145 I'll expand anyway, I like to get stuff off my chest. My mother and father would always get into fights when my sister and I lived with them, and when I was maybe 5 or 6 they got a divorce. After that my mother would always tell me all these things to put my father into the worst light possible. For instance one time she was put into jail for having a 4th drunk driving charge, and she blamed my father for calling the cops or something, which she didn't. That night was trumatic to me as well, since the police came into our house and had to physically throw my mother to the ground and subdue her, all while she was screaming and begging them to stop. We always had to move around too, so my mother could keep skipping bail. It was horrible since whenever I made friends I'd always lose them with-in a year or two. After a while I stopped trying to make new friends since I didn't want to get hurt again when I'd have to move, though I liked to be an attention seeker. I'd act like the class clown and make up fantastic stories that were obviously not true. I remember my mother got into a fight with one of her friends, or dealers or something, not sure since I was too young, but she burst into our house and started to get into a fight with her, ripping at each other's hair and what not. I don't remember how it ended though... After my mother divorced my father, she went through boyfriends often. We've have to move around for them as well. It wouldn't have been too bad, but she liked to date narcissists who also happened to be alcoholics, and they didn't have problem with abusing her at all. One didn't even have a problem with abusing my sister and I. I do remember one of them being nice, but my mother always got in verbal arguments with him after a while since she was having an affair with someone else at the time. It was around this time she tried to commit suicide by jumping out of the window. I remember she'd like to lie to us about all sorts of things, like saying she was going to go shopping and not coming back until the next day, drunk. I remember saving up $20 or something in quarters in a cup and waking up one morning to find it gone. Apparently she had to use it for insurance money, but I still figure she probably used it on alcohol. Later on she moved with the man she's currently married to. This had to be the worst part of my life. They were constantly getting in to physical fights, lots of arguments, tons of drinking, and her boyfriend was by far the worst of them all. Horribly self centered, not afraid to abuse us, a heavy drinker... I remember a few times when she'd come home drunk with him and we'd have to help her out of the car. One of the worst I remember we her asking me to grab her purse for her, which I did... just to have her call me a faggot and girly boy. She kept at this all night as well, putting me down, calling me a faggot, gay, stupid... Her husband did it a lot to me as well, though he'd do it when he was sober. I remember he's make fun of me for not being manly enough, such as not caring about stuff like sports or hunting, calling me a faggot and what not. I remember him and my mother getting into a fight about who got abused to most too, his son or my sister and I. During this fight he took his son, grabbed him by the neck, and slammed him up against the wall for a bit in mid air. We also had two cats which my sister and I loved, but they'd always get into some sort of trouble, and he'd always try to hurt them by kicking them or throwing them. After a while he just threw them outside in the middle of winter to let them die. That was the last time I saw them too, so I assume they did... School wasn't much better. I was still a class clown, but at this point I was horribly depressed and very shy. I'm sure there had to be a few times where I came to school with bruises and scabs, but I guess they never noticed much. At some point someone noticed though, since my sister and I had to talk to child protection services. I lied to them because I was afraid that we'd have to move out to some foster family, which I was terrified of. My sister however didn't, and she told them everything. I don't remember if it was the same day or the day after, but they had talked to my mother while we were at school and didn't do anything past that. We got home and she flipped out on us, beating us and what not. I remember her threatening to kill us and kill herself at one point too, though I don't remember if it was because of this. Around 10 years ago, they decided it was a good idea for me to move out, not sure why, but it happened. I left my sister behind though, and that is probably the most regretful thing I've ever done in my life when I look back on it. I had moved in with my father, but due to how little he made at the time and how much he had to work, I was going to move to a foster home. Thankfully I asked if I could live with my Grandparents, and that's what happened, I live with them now, though the ride wasn't over yet. After I had moved in with them I had horrible mental health issues. I would explode with a mix of anger and depression, and I was horribly suicidal. I like to hit myself, punch myself, beat my head against the wall and I liked to threaten my family with bodily harm. I guess it was too much to handle at the time because I wound up in a mental ward, and it was horrible, just fucking horrible. It was like being in prison; strict schedules, bad food, and the staff didn't really seem to care about you. I had to stay there for a week and honestly it probably did more harm than good. I was like this for years, and I even had to go to a special education class since my emotional problems got in the way of schooling. Other than that though I started to make friends again, and for a bit my life was okay, that was until my mother came back into the picture. A few months after I moved in with my Grandparents my mother had to go back to jail, and she wanted my sister to stay with us until she got out. Apparently when my Grandparents picked my sister up my mother and her husband were horribly drunk and belligerent, but we got my sister and that was that. She was only supposed to stay with us for 6 months, but after that time had passed we heard nothing from our mother and we tried to get custody of my sister via abandonment I guess. I don't remember, but I think initially the courts awarded my Grandparents legal guardianship, though this didn't last long... I remember my sister telling me the sorts of things that happened when she lived with them while was gone. They were worse than ever before and they loved to use her as some sort of abuse toy. I remember one specific thing she said was that they used her as a human football while they were all drunk, throwing her around and what not. She said she liked to bring food and water into her room and hide under her bed in a corner with boxes surrounding the outside, that way they wouldn't be able to find and hurt her anymore. She'd even piss there to avoid having to go out. I felt fucking horrible about abandoning her there, and even now I feel horrible about it. Just thinking about it right now makes my eyes water up... Anyway, after about a year or two, I don't remember how long, my mother wanted to get custody of both my sister and I, which was tragic to say the least. We didn't want to move back and our Grandparents felt it wouldn't be a fit place for us to live, so they took my mother to court with it, which started a very long, very very stressful legal battle that lasted for at least 8 years. It was horrible, since in the beginning I didn't know if we'd have to move back, and every time my Grandparents went to court I'd always fear the worst. It impacted my mental health, made me anxious, distracted me from school, and was all around scary. If that wasn't enough, my mother and her husband loved to harass us over the phone, telling us how much money they had, since they knew we had next to nothing due to how much the legal issues cost our already poor family, and even going so far as to say they'd threaten us with bodily harm. Thankfully though this helped us a lot in court, so I suppose it was for the better. After 3 years or so we finally won custody over myself, so I didn't have to worry about moving back in with her, but we still had to worry about my sister, and at the time my mother appeared to be getting better, so the idea that she might have to move back in with them was very very realistic, and sometimes it was very very close. I had a lot of sleepless nights from this, and it was constant torment to know that I might wake up one day and have to have my sister pried from my arms crying that she didn't want to go back. That scared me so much, so so much. It was around this time I was getting suicidal and even more depressed, and I ended back up in the hospital I was before. This time however I was in the adolescent wing, so it was much worse than before. Apparently with all this I was diagnosed with being bi-polar and having things like PTSD. I had to have been on at least 15 different pills at the time. The legal battles kept going on, and eventually the courts decided it was a good idea to FORCE my sister and I to have visits with our mother. First for a few hours and then eventually staying the weekend at her place. It was awful. We were always scared that she'd try to kidnap us. Thankfully that didn't happen, but she was as mean as ever and would get extremely angry at us if she found out something she didn't like, such as how we all had computers with unrestricted Internet. Thankfully we managed to get the courts to see that it was a horrible idea, and after another drunk driving charge, them missing court too many times, and my mother's husband acting out in front of the judge, we managed to get custody of my sister. Today everything is working out alright. My sister has horrible PTSD. Even bringing up our mother makes her break down. I'd like to think I don't have PTSD, but I still get pretty bad reactions, if not complete mental breakdowns when I see my mother has called, or when I get a flash back of something that happened. I haven't talked to my mother since my graduation, and I have no plans to do so ever again. Sorry for the long sobstory, I know it wasn't that bad compared to most of this thread, but I felt better just getting it out anyway.
>>147 wow... (sorry can't say a better line after your story) anyway i just hope things won't run even worse or the two of you... enven hoping that you'd make her feel better with time... *sighs* it's threads like this that make me love and hate mankind at the same time... me? i guess i'm just a broken toy now... i got beaten up like twice in primary school... well two or three times, i can't really remember... at the same time my father died... lung cancer... i was 6... well i didn't miss him or cry that much... idk why... afetr that i almost forgot anything that happened before... then my grandmother's dog died... something like liver complication (due to him eating chocolate) i cried... a lot... well that's not the worst... in middle school i was bullied... mostly psychological stuff, like being called name, almost treated like some kind of animal sometime... the first ones i didnt do much, they were like... five and ended beating me up... (in that team they wer twins... fat and dumb fucks... in a desesperate position i ended up biting each one's leg, with years of interval... ) the second one was a little more recent, and they knew when to stop... honestly i could have crushed these bastards face a few times... but they probably "felt" time when i was about to burst in rage and "run berserk" if you see what i mean... they went quite far with anonymous phone calls (that was stupid because that weassel-head didnt know how to hide his voice...) still that annoyed me... a lot... but the things that broke me were mostly girls... i had almost only long distance/online relationships, got betrayed by someone who acted as my friend for two years, got dumped by my first gf (who gave me my firsts blowjobs) in a really unformal way (she just disapeared and when i tried my best to recontact her she got mad...) then a few insignificant stuff... and less than a year ago my ex broke up with me... i was going to kill myself because i found (and it's still the case now) life pointless... but i talked to a girl... it wasnt really the first time but i didnt care that much at start... now she's my girlfriend... she like gave me a reason to keep living... the only problem? distance. she lives in a far away country so it's a bit hard... and now that's how i am, just like a dog left near a highway, waiting for her mistress to come back and pick him up... i don't want to kill myself (not until i'm completely sure she doesnt want me anymore) she loves me... i'm almost sure... no i'm sure... but sometimes i tend to hold back my jealousy when i see how some frineds call her on facebook and all... well that's my little story, except for her and my "non blood related sis" (in fact just a childhood friend) i could kill about any human without feeling bad, and yed i'd never hurt an animal (well ok killing these flies/spiders is necessary and i don't mind, i was talking about bigger animals... but i guess you got it) oh and sorry if some things arent really clear, i had a bad time remembering all this stuff and english isnt my main language...
>>148 Your English is fine. It's not the best, but it's much better than most native speakers would even type. I'm sorry to hear about your troubles as well. I wish I knew what to say, but honestly I've never been good with these sorts of things. Also I was the poster above, things are fine now. I hope the same can be said for you with time...
>>147 tl;dr
>>151 tl;dr Mother was an alcoholic, abused my sister and I physically and emotionally. Moved out, had to go to court with her almost lost sister to her, now she's gone.
I wasnt planning on posting but I guess i'll contribute When I was maybe five I was sort of pseudo-molested. Two girls (as I can remember they were one of my dad's buddies daughters) took me into a closet, took off my clothes and bit me, all over my body. I think they were 17 and 15. When i was 6 or 7, i was "played" with by my older cousin/. he would force me to get naked and lay on top of him and we would rub our dicks together, and he would try to put it in my ass, though unsuccessfully. When i was around eleven i would cut myself and draw things in my blood. i kept cutting myself but stopped drawing with it. on the giving side, when i was around twelve i made my 4 or 5 year old cousin give me a blowjob. i think thats about it.
I recently witnessed the fatal aftermath of a motorcycle accident. It was on a rural road, forest surrounded it. The driver apparently had a deer run out in front of him and turned sharply to avoid it- too sharply... Not that he had many options. With a car, you can stop, or- if worse comes to worst- you can usually safely run into it. You'll survive, even if your car doesn't. But on a motorcycle, you're bound to suffer serious injury, and usually death. I saw him laying dead on the side of the road. It always fascinates me to see death like that. I always wonder: had it ever occurred to them how fragile their life was? One second they're living their life like anyone else, probably thinking about getting home and having some dinner, sacking out on the couch and watching TV. The next, they're a lifeless sack of bones and meat. Bright eyes that once moved with purpose now vacant and still. I remember distinctly: His feet poked out from under the plastic sheet that the medics had laid over him to hide him from the passers-by. His helmet was laying on the road, cracked open like a hard-boiled egg. Yellow glass from the shattered lens of the helmet was sprinkled over the road.
First of all, I'm very sorry for all of you who have sufferd and still do. I wish I could help... I hope, at least writing it down helps you guys. About me .... I luckily never had to endure anything bad. Just did something stupid once, I was 14 I guess, fapping while a friend stayed over that night and we shared the same bed, pretty akward but nothing serious.
When i was 8 i witnessed a schoolmate of mine being ran over by a buss,missed me for about a meter. His body was tottaly smashed and most of his intestines and brains were laying on the ground. I dont remmember it very well because all happened very fast and they moved me soon after.
Nothing of note except for having witnessed a possible shooting in the ghetto when I was seven. Nobody got hit but there was a car running around with 4 bullet blown tires.
The worst I have seen is when I was around ten and our neighbour was beating his daughter. He was punching her with fists in the face. She passed out after two punches and just laid there. He kicked her a few times while she was on the ground. I know it doesn't sound that bad but it was really upsetting to watch. The girl had maybe 20 years
Well, I haven't really had any traumatic experiences, but I have done some fucked up things. My cousin and use to lick each others assholes when no one was watching, but after a few years, we just stopped and never spoke about it. (I'm male and my cousin is female) At the age of 4, I had more or less stolen a cat from our neighbors, although it liked me more than them. On the day we had to move away, I put the cat in the flip-down compartment of the back seat and shoved the flip-down thing in until the cat stopped kicking. When I was about 7 I found a birds nest. I reached inside and pulled out a baby bird. I broke it's wings and legs while holding it's mouth shut so the screeches were muffled. And I liked it. After that, I shot the mother with my BB gun. I then told MY mother that I had "found" the baby bird and rescued it. She let me take car of it for 3 days until it died. When I was about 10, I started planning out a way to kidnap a girl and imprison her for sex. And now I come here for all my shits and giggles! I often have rape/torture fantasies about random people around me. I plan out how to capture them and what knives and things to use. It passes time. I just hope I never act on it.